Understand how your unique brain works and how to manage it.

It took me well after college to realize that I wasn’t crazy, what I was experiencing was called anxiety, and a lot of my first reaction thoughts and emotions weren’t true. Understanding how your brain works is one of the best investments you can make in yourself.

Reduce your need for stimulation.

Notifications, social media, buy this, do that. There are so many time wasters you use to escape from your problems or detract from your goals. If you can’t focus for even five minutes, how can you expect to focus long enough to achieve a real goal? Focus on less to achieve more.

Nobody is coming to save you.

If the path you’re currently on, feels wrong, change it. Set your own goals, stop waiting for someone else to fix YOUR life. If you don’t take charge, you can’t expect to be happy with where you’ll end up. The only person standing in the way of you and your potential is you.

Everything is figure-outable.

Through my decade in computer science, I’ve spent countless hours debugging and Googling. The best engineers know that anything is less a matter of “is it possible?” and more “how long will it take?” Read, watch videos, ask people until you find an expert to teach you. If there’s a will, there’s a way. You just have to figure it out.

Nobody is paying attention to you as much as you are.

How many times do you actively remember someone for being slightly awkward in a couple-second long interaction? When you realize you’re actually pretty anonymous, you gain a lot of freedom to make mistakes. Use that to your advantage to beat social anxiety.

People can and do die at any moment.

Don't take life for granted—nothing is guaranteed. At the end of it all, friends, family, and relationships are the most important things in life.

Embrace looking silly.

Embrace doing things that make you nervous. It doesn’t matter if it’s in your work, a hobby, a dare, doing so will improve your confidence. Expanding your comfort zone is the only way to grow.

Love the process itself more than the goal.

You hear stories time and time again of people making their first one million dollars. Or hitting some promotion or relationship milestone. And then when they do hit it, they feel lost. Instead, ask yourself, are you proud of the way you made a million dollars? Do you like the work you do, and every day you get to spend with your partner? Life is truly more about the journey than the destination.

Consistency is key.

Most people give up after the first 2 weeks, when you can actually see substantial progress in just 30 days. Do a 30-day challenge to see what’s possible for yourself, and then trust the process. Even a tiny bit every day can take you very far.

If you feel mentally stuck, think opposite. Instead of just “different.”

Comparing too much with others? Focus on yourself. Feeling lonely and isolated? Give more to others. Worrying about the future? Look at what’s happening right in front of you.

Imposter syndrome is just inexperience.

I experienced a lot of self-doubt in software engineering for years until one day, suddenly I was now the “senior engineer.” And everyone was asking me the questions. The best way to beat imposter syndrome is to get so good and keep at it for so long that you end up proving to yourself that you were wrong.

You don’t know what you don’t know.

Every time I’ve picked up a new skill or hobby, once I got one question answered, 10 new ones would appear. If you think you know everything, you don't. Ask more questions, and stay in a beginner’s mindset.

Anxiety is manageable.

You aren’t crazy, even if most of society won’t understand. I went through years of therapy to learn this, but you can retrain your brain. The feelings won't ever fully go away, but you get to choose how you respond. That will then determine the trajectory of your life. It’s going to be a series of ups and downs, but trust that you are improving in the long term.

Work with your brain and not against it.

I used to hold a lot of guilt and shame just because I couldn’t “just do” things how everyone else seemed to do them. Let that all go. If your brain hacks, communication style, or unique working methods work, it works, no matter how unconventional.

Embrace being weird.

Weird means different. Different means interesting. Interesting is how you get places.

Having many varied interests is a strength.

Over time, all your seemingly random skills and interests will suddenly come together and the pieces of your unique puzzle will make sense.

Dive straight into the unknown.

If you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing, you’re probably doing it right. None of the most successful people in the world knew what they were doing in the beginning either. Take a risk and bet on yourself.

Success is what you define it to be.

Not what someone tells you it is. Career ladders are made up. Promotions are made up. Focus on building your skills and experience in real life instead of just on paper. The paper accolades will follow.

Give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

90% of someone’s experience is invisible. You never know what someone is actually going through—physically, mentally, or circumstantially. Kindness doesn't cost anything, and people will respect you for it.

Learn how to say no.

Setting boundaries isn’t selfish, it’s respecting yourself, just as you would respect anyone else. Listen to your body, your gut, and your intuition. If something feels off to you, it probably is.

Depression is real, but it really does get better.

It will feel like the last thing you want to do, but surround yourself with people you trust, and move your body even a little bit every day. That’s exactly what I do when I feel myself spiraling downward. Life comes and goes in cycles, and after you get through it once, you know you can get through it again.

Work out or exercise consistently.

If you can keep this up for a few years, you will gain physical proof of how far consistency and discipline will get you. It also happens to be the best natural medicine for your mental health.

Leverage your unique strengths and weaknesses.

The best engineering manager I ever had took advantage of every individual’s natural skillsets to coordinate an incredible team. The super coders could code with less distractions, the high-level project leaders were trusted to organize and direct. You’ll enjoy what you’re doing significantly more, and results will come easier.

Start before you are ready.

Stop waiting for others’ approval, or wasting unnecessary time on paper credentials alone. If you walk into a room with the confidence of someone you admire, you’ll stand up straighter, fidget less, and ultimately attract more admiration yourself. Eventually the scrappy pretend confidence you borrowed will become real confidence in yourself.

Sleep is so important.

So much more important than modern day society is aware of. It’s critical to brain function, mental health, disease prevention, your immune system, and that’s just the top of the list. Wake up at the same time every day, lower the temperature at night, leave your phone in a different room. Don’t sleep on sleep.

Being likable is just about being a good listener.

Give before you expect to receive. Pay attention and be present. It’s actually really simple, but this will make you stand out and even build surprising connections.

You're never “too old” to try something new.

I’ve met countless people in their seventies and beyond taking their first dance classes. Those people seem younger than others I know in their twenties. The only time you're too old is when you're dead. Don't spend life waiting for death.

Pick what advice to apply in your own life.

Including everything I just said. Everyone comes from different perspectives and backgrounds, and there is no universal correct way to live life. The best way to learn is to experience for yourself.